Seems I’ve been missing the point all these years. As my beer gut has expanded and my vertical leap diminished to the point where I can’t even dunk on Amare Stoudemire (gasp!), the perfect weight-loss technique was right under my nose. It’s the baseball Get Off The Roids Diet. Who knew weight loss could be so easy?
Too bad steroids aren’t the source of my weight gain. For that, I can thank the good folks at the Anheuser-Busch Company for making such a fine line of refreshing beer products. But the pound-shedding that’s taken place over the baseball offseason is hard to miss.
Ivan Rodriguez is Exhibit No. 1. Pudge gets wind that Jose Canseco is writing a steroids book and plans to implicate him, and Rodriguez reports to spring training 22 pounds lighter. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. He’s not alone, though. Jason Giambi lost a ton of weight before last season, and has since apologized to the fans, even though he won’t say what he’s apologizing for. It’s so obvious that he doesn’t need to spell it out. Barry Bonds admitted to unknowingly taking steroids (the clear and the cream), but he has yet to look like anything but the gargantuan beast he has become.
Other players who have trimmed down over this offseason: Reds pitcher Ryan Wagner -25 pounds. Angels catcher Bengy Molina -22 pounds. Pirates outfielder Daryle Ward -12 pounds. Jose Cruz Jr. -17 pounds. Wes Helms -15 pounds. To be sure, all these players didn’t lose weight because they stopped doing steroids. But the weight loss seems to be widespread this year. The size of players is going down across the board. Is the prospect of random drug testing and a 10-day suspension contributing to this?
One odd side effect of the steroids mess is the amount of suspicion the public has about players. Instead of receiving credit for getting in better shape, players are being suspected of quitting the juice. This much is undeniable: Before 1995, there were two 50-homer seasons in 25 years in the majors. Between 1995-2002, players hit 50 homers 18 times. Then the Federal Government started investigating BALCO and nobody has hit 50 homers since 2002.
With that bit of baseball unpleasantness behind us, how about the straight-up craziness of Temple hoops coach John Chaney? I couldn’t let this week pass without commenting on the “goon” fiasco in the Temple-St. Joe’s game. In case you weren’t paying attention, Chaney was infuriated at what he said was the repeated use of illegal screens by St. Joe’s. Since the refs weren’t doing anything about it, Chaney decided to take matters into his own hands. He sent in 6-8, 250-pound Nehemiah Ingram, who normally plays about four minutes a game. Ingram fouled out in four minutes of this game, and broke Hawks senior forward John Bryant’s arm in the process.
It gets weirder. According to ESPN.com, Temple students spat on Bryant while he was down on the floor nursing his broken arm, and they booed when he was helped to his feet. Wow. Postgame, Chaney flew into one of his famous tirades, saying that he was going to keep sending in the “goon” to send a message to other teams if they didn’t start playing right.
I love it. Hockey’s not around, so we’ve got to get our goonery somewhere, right? Who among us hasn’t at one time wished our team would send in that big, useless reserve to rough up the other team’s star player? I’d be lying if I didn’t propose Chaney’s actions many times in the past. I’m still in mild disbelief that it actually happened, though, and that Chaney actually admitted it. Of course, he wound up suspending himself for a game. I’m all for that, too. It’s like he’s The Incredible Hulk. One minute he’s a respectable coach, the next an enraged avenger. Surely you’ve seen the clip when he broke into John Calapari’s press conference threatening to kill him, right? That’s a priceless moment, and I know a guy that can emulate Chaney’s excited, birdlike voice perfectly. I like a coach that disciplines himself, sending the message that the authorities needn’t bother trying to crush his rage. Of course, Temple officials suspended Chaney for the rest of the year soon after. Turns out it’s not really cool with some people if you act like the Hulk. Who knew?
