<!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->A combination of sun, beer, baseball and horse racing pretty much turned my brain to mush last weekend, so this column may not make much sense.  And the late-spring/early-summer sports mélange leaves me with no true clear direction for this week.  Hence, you get a little bit of everything this week, starting with baseball’s current disappearing act.

Where Have You Gone, Dewon Brazelton?   Anybody seen Dewon Brazelton lately?  The former Devil Rays pitcher still hasn’t reported to AAA Durham, has he?  Granted, it can’t be fun getting demoted, but he’s still supposed to be making $1,124,000 per year, according to ESPN.  At that rate, I think I might let my ego take a back seat.  So you’re having a tough day at work and the boss is on your backside to pick it up.  Say you even get relocated to a much less glamorous office.  If they’re paying you more than a million bucks a year, you shut up and do it.  Even if you never pitch another day in your life, Dewon, you’re set unless you blow that money.  Interest on a million bucks rolls up pretty quick, buddy.

Afleet Alex  Who saw the Preakness this weekend?  Afleet Alex was one of the horses I had in the Kentucky Derby, but my short-lived plan to become a horse racing expert fizzled out pretty quickly, so I missed the Preakness entirely.  What a recovery by Afleet Alex!  He got totally tripped up by another horse, but instead of a Mary Decker-Slaney style spill, Afleet Alex pulled it all together and won the race.  It’s probably a good thing, too.  I don’t think Alex could’ve sat on the infield and wailed quite like Decker-Slaney.

Shaq’s Health  Are we ever going top get a healthy Shaq again?  It seems every year it’s something with O’Neal.  The injury du jour is his deep thigh bruise, which will continue to be a storyline throughout the playoffs, or the Eastern Conference Finals at the very least.  I used to imagine the Diesel as some sort of invincible Laker Superman, but these days he seems like more of a mercenary Frankenstein pieced together haphazardly.  He needs his own traveling mechanic team to keep him running.  He still the man, though.  If he gets semi-healthy, he’ll be showing Ben Wallace who his Daddy is real soon.

Beckham  Thanks for getting thrown out, Beckham.  Because of the yellow card he received in Saturday’s Spanish League game, Real Madrid star David Beckham will be forced to sit out Real’s final game.  Hence, he should be able to play for England Saturday against the US in Chicago.  That’s great news for The Average Joe, who will be in attendance.  It will be my first time to see many of the English Premier League stars in person, and I’m raring to go to my first predominantly English soccer game.  While I don’t expect much hooliganism in Chicago, the fish and chips crew should still be pretty agitated about the Yanks buying out England’s richest club, Manchester United.  We’ll see what the limeys have to say about it soon.

WNBA Season Starts Quick, name four WNBA teams.  If you did that without batting an eye, consider yourself among the top 1% of Americans in terms of WNBA knowledge.  The WNBA season got kicked off (no, not the island) last weekend.  How this league continues to exist is a testament to the power of the ideals of gender equity in our society.  Because most of these teams aren’t making a profit, you can bet.  I’m at a loss to name any other professional women’s team sport league anywhere in the world.  I really believe the WNBA could disappear tomorrow and very few people would actually notice.  But hey, who am I to lampoon somebody for toiling in mediocrity?  Have a great season, WNBA!

Bonds’ Knee   What are the chances Barry Bonds’ knee just explodes one day?  Hey, I’m no Bonds fan, but this particular injury is getting ridiculous.  I’m ready for Barry to come back, because frankly, I can see the woe-is-me card Barry will play if this thing winds up ending his career.  How disgusting would it be to listen to Barry whine about how we all got our wish when his knee fell off?  I don’t want to see Bonds pass Hank Aaron any more than the next guy, but I would like for Barry to go away quietly as soon as possible.  Very few things piss me off more than whiny millionaires, and Barry is president of the Whiny Millionaires Club.  Fix your knee, play some ball, and quit complaining, Barry.