I know I must sound like a broken record at times, constantly complaining about the state of football teams that everybody knows are awful.  But it's impossible to overstate just how ridiculous the fortunes of the (soon-to-be-former) New Orleans Saints are, and Ole Miss is just too easy a target.

We'll start with the Rebels this week.  To borrow from the world of coachspeak, it's a lot easier to complain about your team after a win.  So that's what I'll do.  Ole Miss managed a truly uninspiring 13-7 home win over Kentucky last weekend, saving any worries the folks at ESPN Classic might have had about needing to preempt planned showings of the USC-Notre Dame game for this one.

It's a good thing that Kentucky is beyond awful at offensive football, because the Rebel red zone offense and kicking game looked like it was auditioning for The Replacements 2 (which may or may not be filmed, depending on Keanu Reeves' availability).  If they do make that movie, it should be about Reeves getting hired to salvage the Ole Miss offense, and there should be a scene where Keanu yells at Noel Mazzone while firing him and then makes all the kickers engage in a Royal Rumble-style deathmatch.

It's downright bewildering to see the Rebs move the ball easily down the field and then clinch up once they've crossed the 20-yard line like they just snuck past the Black Gate into Mordor.  Seriously, Rebels, Sauron is not going to be playing middle linebacker for Kentucky, and nobody is going to throw you into a lake of fire if you score a touchdown.  It's really kind of the goal, see?

Rebel kickers combined to go 2 of 6 on field goals, including two blocks because the kick barely cleared head height before it got to the line.  At one point just before halftime, Kentucky fumbled on consecutive plays in their own red zone, and the Rebel kickers came away with three total points.  I couldn't make this stuff up, people.

From a purely offensive standpoint, I can now say with full confidence that Idaho State, which rolled up 29 points on Kentucky, is at least 16 points better than Ole Miss.  Yaaay!

The awfulness of Mississippi State
But I must remind myself that it could be worse.  Thank the stars that I'm not a Mississippi State fan.  The Bulldogs watched a school-record 257 rushing yards by Jerious Norwood go to waste in a 28-16 home loss to Houston last weekend.  How any team can rush for that many yards and come away with only 16 points is beyond me.  

Well, actually it's not.  It's pretty explainable when you look under center at human intentional grounding machine Omarr Conner.  For the Bulldogs to score points consistently, Norwood pretty much has to score on his long runs.  When he breaks off a 75-yarder but gets tackled at the 10, State can go three-and-out before Norwood can even catch his breath on the sideline. 

Keep in mind that the Bulldogs eked out those 16 points against a Houston defense that had just surrendered 35 to a Memphis offense that barely pretends to throw the ball.  Memphis has recently benched the third-string quarterback and just uses a wide receiver at quarterback, and they still rolled up 35 on Houston.  Mississippi State got a record-setting rushing day and came away with 16 points.

Collectively, Ole Miss and State are setting the SEC offensive movement back 40 years.  State should start running the Wing T and Ole Miss should bring back the old third-down punt.  I don't really think things could get much worse.  Unless, of course, you happen to be at the Kentucky-Mississippi State game in Lexington this weekend.  That game promises to be truly depressing.

Same S!@#, Different Day
I've put it off long enough.  The Saints must now be discussed.  We all know about their bizarre last-second loss to Atlanta two weeks ago.  Last weekend can be filed under the same “Absurd Loss” category.  The Saints led the Rams 17-7 late in the fourth quarter before giving up back-to-back Rams touchdowns within 1:16 of each other.  As New Orleans was driving for a potential game-winning touchdown, Aaron Brooks hit Ernie Conwell for a big gain, but as Conwell went down, he "bobbled" the ball, which was taken away off his chest as he was lying on the ground and returned for a 67-yard Rams "interception return touchdown".  Bobble, schmobble.  Conwell got tackled, and the Rams stripped him while he was on the ground, but the Saints couldn't challenge because Brooks had already burned up all their timeouts.

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